When I opened that first email with my agent detailing how much she loved my story and my protagonist Claire, she quickly explained how she really wanted to meet Claire again, and again and again. My character, Claire Fuller, was the focus of our chats and emails and the envisioned future of our success.
She found Claire so deeply flawed, wounded, yet capable and strong, believing female readers would relate and want more from her. She told me that the way I covered fundamental human subjects within Claire’s mind is what made her so genuine and real.
The fact is, I couldn’t write a character like Claire without first knowing myself inside out. I’m open about my anxieties and insecurities, and I don’t just acknowledge they’re there; I like to dive into them and search them like precious treasures, clues into my personality and how I view the world. They don’t frighten me any longer. They’re what’s giving life to my stories, life to Claire.
Still, I wasn’t sure how I felt about delving back into Claire’s world. During my Curtis Brown Creative Course, most of my fellow writers were really affected by Claire. In fact, the majority of my feedback related to Claire being mean, angry, judgemental, even depressing (to be fair, they only got to read the first 6000 words). But the interesting thing was they were really, really attracted to her unique character and couldn’t stop wanting to know more about her and her character arc.
Then one suggested that I make her “nicer”, that people would like her more if I did.
For about a week, I was discussing this with my partner, my beta-readers and mentor, Louise who had all fallen for Claire in the same way my agent has. They all told me NO, don’t you dare make her nicer. The back and forth between me and my CB mates revolved around me trying to defend my position:
A character doesn’t have to be likable.
They have to be unique.
They have to make you want more.
To me, likeable is boring. Nice, sunny, bright and pretty is not interesting. Luckily, my tutor 100 per cent agreed. The thing that I found so funny about my forum on my character Claire was how much attention she was gaining. They were angry with her, yet addicted and wanting more.
And that’s when I knew, I’d nailed the character. Unreliable characters are all the rage right now.
Anyone can write a lovely character, but to write a real, flawed honest, dark and sometimes mean character is the USP (Unique Selling Point) my agent told me I have. Claire knows herself. Maybe even possibly more than the readers reading about her. She also knows people, really well. That’s what makes her so honest, confronting and uncomfortable to read sometimes without blushing. She talks morals, inner conflict, female relationships and spirituality in a way that people will either shy away from or lean into. She’s a no bullshit kind of woman. The other characters can’t hide themselves from her because she doesn’t hide who she is from herself.
So, I’ve realised to step back into Claire’s world requires me to step back into my own darkness, my own insecurities, the parts that make me feel real, honest, authentic. For Claire to have known herself inside out, I had to know myself inside out. I simply couldn’t have written a character like her without knowing my own anxieties and loving and giving life to them.
That’s why I believe she’s a definite series character. She touches on the truths that people are too afraid to admit. And I’m loving being back in her mind (or the other way around).
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